Dear Birth Mother

First, some background thoughts.

As it happens with open adoption, the birth-mother chooses the adoptive family and the adoptive family sort of chooses her. Most of the information the cerebral sponge has soaked in like documentaries, websites, blogs and so on seem permeated by this emotionally tumultuous aura of heart-twisting drama. That's understandable, but I have a habit of taking most media with a grain of skepticism. Some may say that is cynical, but can anyone really argue that any form of publication can substitute for direct personal experience?

TV and news and everything we look at is geared to a market of some kind, and the incredibly personal and subjective experience adoptive parents share with their birth-mom and child is unlikely something that can be captured in a 30-minute reality show.  Everything is sensationalized these days. Our adoption could be a tear-jerker, or it could be a romantic comedy. Only time, and not what everybody else says, will tell.

Now to the foreground thoughts.

Adoptive parents have to write a "Dear, Birth Mother Letter". Basically, this is a letter that tries to capture the essence of your family. No, that doesn't mean the letter is scratch-and-sniff, it just means that it is the primary means of conveying your personality to prospective birth-moms. Birth-moms who are interested in placing their child with an adoptive family sort through these letters (hundreds of them) and pick one. Then the relationship begins.

When we first learned about the letter we thought it would be fairly easy. After all, I can type. Then they imposed limits. Word limits, photo-requirements, structure, color, blah blah blah. The entire process can be summed up as follows:

1. Complete cerebral incontinence on the subject into a Word document.
2. Submit to the seemingly self-important Dear, Birth Mother Letter "expert" who sorts through it looking for little nuggets of personality gold like a child convinced that there is something of intrigue reachable in their nose if only they can get their finger deep enough.
3. Rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.

After you've poured your heart out on paper and had it nit-picked apart enough times, then you can add photos and design. Now as it happens, the Spousal Unit and myself are both fairly skilled with design software and have made our share of money designing print campaigns, ads, and websites over e-commerce platforms (ie. OliviaRiegel.com). However, given the fact that I am graduating in August with my Master of Business Administration in Healthcare Management, and leading multiple healthcare facilities through the summer, we opted to hire a designer for convenience.

We went with "Our Chosen Child". Joanna was a welcome relief in the letter process. She was responsive to our preferences and choices, timely and compassionate. Her value cannot be understated! She took the text of our letter, got to know us as a family through phone conversations and a really innovative use of pinterest, and added the visual elements to our letter that will really bring our personality to the fore.

Here is a link to the results of our collaboration the letter speaks for itself. Dear, Birth-Mom